Tough Cookie?

You make the call to make my day
In your message say my name
Your talk is all the talk sister you've got it all 

- Butterfly; Jason Mraz

I used to think that I'm a strong person. I used to think that I can always suck it up and face life as it is. Wrong? Yes. Wrong.

I have realized that every year, I get more fragile emotionally...and maybe you can say...physically? Fragile emotionally. Hmmm. When I was a kid, I've always been considered a "tough cookie". I grew up thinking that crying is made for wimps. Emotions? Phobias? Tears? Non-existent in my vocabulary. I would try to hold a tear, and I have always said to myself...I will never EVER cry. And if ever I did, I would try to hold it in. I would never shed a tear to prove that I was in fact...a "tough cookie".

Looks pretty yummy, but a toughie. When I was a kid, I've always wished to be in the military.You know, guns, tanks, boys? haha. Kidding aside, I've always had my dad's approval. For years, I've set my goal to join the military. I've always loved watching war movies with my grandparents and my dad. I loved reading books about war. War history was a passion. Seeing men fight was amusement for me. But as I grew older, I've encountered different people. I've encountered different obstacles and that totally changed my outlook in life. Tough, eh?

For years, I've been considering myself to be a "tough cookie". Yes. A tough cookie. Looking at myself right now, I honestly feel like laughing right now saying those two words. I look at myself now, I'm no where near where I was before. I feel like I've become such a wimp. A weak, timid person. I have become a person with phobias. I mean, we all do. But looking back, I never used to fear anything (maybe lizards were really creepy for me). I feel such a loser. Yes, there I said it. I have become a friable cookie. Fragile.

Emotionally fragile. I will have to admit that I am never ashamed to cry in front of people anymore. I cry when I feel the need to. I cry when I'm frustrated. I cry to feel good. I admit, it does feel good. Lately, I have resorted to crying whenever I feel frustrated or  whenever I need a quick fix on feeling better. Yes and no. Yes, it does makes me feel good temporarily and no, because I have realized that as much as we want to be alone, we still need someone to talk to. I have realized how important it is to keep a handful of friends closer to you. I have realized that no matter how much I am denial that I don't need people to help me, I still end up asking them to lend an ear. Keep your friends close...your girl friends closer. 

Girl friends are like cookies. When you bake,  two cookies can never look exactly the same. Exactly. Every cookie is unique and so are our girl friends. Unique. I like that word. And with that being said, I am thankful for my girls. You know I have been emotionally fragile and I am  a tough cookie no more. I can say that my life sucks right now, but I will not. Life goes on and my cookies make it more interesting....errr, my girls I mean.

 You the best I ever had

-Drake